[He's up on the top bunk when she comes in, back to the bars. It's when he hears the creaking weight of someone leaning against the iron that he bothers to turn around, eyes softening when he sees who it is.]
Hey, Beau. [He'll climb down, dropping to a careful seat nearby. With the bars in between, it looks like he can break the distance a little easier.] You look a little rough.
Yeah, well... Run that by Majima and see what he thinks. He's been wanting me dead for a while now. [He sounds... surprisingly bitter all of the sudden.]
Though if this place is going to be repeating the trend, I guess you'll be able to see it for yourself at some point.
[ she drags in an unsteady breath. ] I'd fight you. But you'd probably win, right now. And then you'd have to deal with the people who would kill for me.
[ she holds onto the bars. ] What are you going to do if it's Asch?
I - I can't ask you not to fight. [ she rests her forehead against the bars. ] I just. I know what happened to him. And I can't... I can't watch him...
[ she struggles, and... gives up. ] I can't ask you not to fight.
[ jesus. two years. she leans heavily against the bars. ]
I didn't like him either. The first time we met I kicked him in the junk. The second time we met I nearly broke his nose.
[ she rubs at her neck. ] But there's more to him. I was missing it before, but now - I don't know how to get him to understand that I'm not trying to drag him away from his country, but that I, like. I care.
...Yeah. His country, his family, the things he's fought for... the world's gone on without him.
A lot of stuff that happened left him without a purpose near the end. He didn't have a past, and as far as he was concerned, I don't think he ever considered that he had a future. All he had was himself and what little of his agency he might have had left.
...I want to take him back, Beau. I really do. But if he doesn't think he has anything left back home to welcome, other than bad memories...
Then shouldn't this be a second chance for him to find somewhere to make better ones?
He wishes he could say yes, that he knows Asch inside and out. But he doesn't. All he knows is the shadows of the boy and the mangled remains of the man, familiar but broken to pieces he can't recognize with clarity any more.
...
He looks honestly torn about this.]
Call him out.
You've probably noticed, but a lot of what comes out of his mouth is noise for the sake of it. He's got a brain in there somewhere, but it's packed behind a heart that only knows how to chase people off.
You don't have to invalidate his feelings. But if he's just grounded himself in things that aren't true, you need to find ways to shatter those stupid thoughts of his before they swallow him up.
...
[His voice softens as he continues, choosing his words carefully.]
I guess, in another way, you can treat him how you'd want to be treated. You're pretty good at beating up on yourself and implying that you're not worth a lot of things. Don't you think there's people that are trying to convince you otherwise?
I'm sure a lot of it just turns into noise after a while. Not everything will stick. But if something's resonated with you and helped you think that maybe you had a chance... then maybe try it on him.
Edited (I wrote this all on my phone i want to die now) 2020-06-29 12:15 (UTC)
I'll try. [ she says, finally. ] I think really all I can do is just be there. And that takes time. You have to show him that you're not going anywhere.
Yeah. When you're used to losing everything, I'm sure it hurts less to assume that's always going to be your only option.
[...
An exhaustion falls over his expression, the silence stretching for a bit too long.]
I don't have any intention of falling tomorrow. I'll do what I can for him. I promised him as much. But there's a lot that he and I can't address without a lot of work on our ends.
I think a part of him is still convinced I would kill him, if I wanted to.
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w2, saturday
she is - maybe trying not to cry, when she comes in to sit with him. she leans against the bars. ]
... Hey, Guy. [ :c ]
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Hey, Beau. [He'll climb down, dropping to a careful seat nearby. With the bars in between, it looks like he can break the distance a little easier.] You look a little rough.
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Yeah, well. [ she says, with a wavering voice. ] It's because you don't deserve this.
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Maybe not for this, in itself. But this isn't the first time I've been found guilty for a trial in these places.
Last time? I did deserve it. And I still was able to walk away, because someone was foolish enough to take my place.
...
So who knows. Maybe my luck's finally running short.
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Killing people in these fucking places isn't an indicator.
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Though if this place is going to be repeating the trend, I guess you'll be able to see it for yourself at some point.
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Don't. Don't. [ she says, her voice breaking a little. ] Don't be fucking flippant about it.
You don't know. It could be me tomorrow, standing in front of you.
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It could, yeah.
[He exhales slowly, his voice softening.]
What will you do if that's the case, Beau?
I don't want to die. So I'll fight if it means I can have a little more time.
If you're in front of me, then I can't hold back. Even if I consider you a friend.
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[ she drags in an unsteady breath. ] I'd fight you. But you'd probably win, right now. And then you'd have to deal with the people who would kill for me.
[ she holds onto the bars. ] What are you going to do if it's Asch?
no subject
...]
If he's still cursed... then I won't have a choice.
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I - I can't ask you not to fight. [ she rests her forehead against the bars. ] I just. I know what happened to him. And I can't... I can't watch him...
[ she struggles, and... gives up. ] I can't ask you not to fight.
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I was there. I didn't see it happen, but... we knew when he was gone.
...
It's been over two years since then.
We didn't see eye to eye. We still don't. At one point in my life, I hated him more than anything else in the world. All I wanted was to see him dead.
...
But I can't leave him to rot. Not after everything he dragged himself through.
He deserves a damn chance.
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I didn't like him either. The first time we met I kicked him in the junk. The second time we met I nearly broke his nose.
[ she rubs at her neck. ] But there's more to him. I was missing it before, but now - I don't know how to get him to understand that I'm not trying to drag him away from his country, but that I, like. I care.
He's so fucking stubborn. He deserves a chance.
no subject
A lot of stuff that happened left him without a purpose near the end. He didn't have a past, and as far as he was concerned, I don't think he ever considered that he had a future. All he had was himself and what little of his agency he might have had left.
...I want to take him back, Beau. I really do. But if he doesn't think he has anything left back home to welcome, other than bad memories...
Then shouldn't this be a second chance for him to find somewhere to make better ones?
no subject
I just have to convince him somehow that there's more than what he's seeing. [ a pause. ] Have any advice? On how to help him.
no subject
He wishes he could say yes, that he knows Asch inside and out. But he doesn't. All he knows is the shadows of the boy and the mangled remains of the man, familiar but broken to pieces he can't recognize with clarity any more.
...
He looks honestly torn about this.]
Call him out.
You've probably noticed, but a lot of what comes out of his mouth is noise for the sake of it. He's got a brain in there somewhere, but it's packed behind a heart that only knows how to chase people off.
You don't have to invalidate his feelings. But if he's just grounded himself in things that aren't true, you need to find ways to shatter those stupid thoughts of his before they swallow him up.
...
[His voice softens as he continues, choosing his words carefully.]
I guess, in another way, you can treat him how you'd want to be treated. You're pretty good at beating up on yourself and implying that you're not worth a lot of things. Don't you think there's people that are trying to convince you otherwise?
I'm sure a lot of it just turns into noise after a while. Not everything will stick. But if something's resonated with you and helped you think that maybe you had a chance... then maybe try it on him.
no subject
I'll try. [ she says, finally. ] I think really all I can do is just be there. And that takes time. You have to show him that you're not going anywhere.
no subject
[...
An exhaustion falls over his expression, the silence stretching for a bit too long.]
I don't have any intention of falling tomorrow. I'll do what I can for him. I promised him as much. But there's a lot that he and I can't address without a lot of work on our ends.
I think a part of him is still convinced I would kill him, if I wanted to.