I guess you could say that I already panicked for the sake of my life when I was caught a month ago. Ever since then... I've just been coasting by on borrowed time. Hoping it wouldn't catch up with me, or maybe thinking I would keep being lucky enough to live another day.
Now that this is happening again... I wouldn't say it's gone. To think about tomorrow is... [His fists tighten against his knees.] Well. It's different. I have the option to fight. To give it one last shot.
I'm scared. Anyone would be scared. But all I can do is fight, and see if I deserve to have a little more borrowed time.
Of course you do. Everyone deserves that time, no matter what they've done in the past. No matter how many people they've hurt.
[this is why he's friends with Akechi]
And it's stupid to say that this is some karmic retribution for what you did back at the temple. It's not. It's not.
It's just us. . . [a deep exhale, and he lifts a hand to rake his fingers through his hair, careful to do so on the side without the ANIME EYE BANDAGES]
It's us still not being good enough. It's just letting you down for a second week in a row.
I made the mistakes I made at the temple because I made a problem completely centered around myself. What I wanted, how I could make sure my wish would come true, even if I had to shed blood and lose my own shot in the process. I twisted it to make it seem like it was altruistic, that I was thinking of the better of someone I cared about. I broke their trust in the process, because I decided that what I wanted was what they needed most. That's letting someone down, Akira.
I'm upset at how things went with Yu. I'm not exactly pleased with how things went here. The fact that so many people didn't trust me at my word just showed what kind of position I'd really put myself in.
It's unfair. But no one's letting me down. Not you, or Asch, or anyone else that's stuck here.
The only way you'll let me down is if you give up.
[he doesn't need to say it again. there's only so many times he can yell and scream it at the top of his lungs before the words stop having any meaning. he doesn't want to get to that point]
If that's what it takes to repay you-- if that's really all you want from me, and not my apologies-- then. . . I that's what I'll do.
[it feels so small, though. it feels like he should be doing something else, like trying to take Guy's place, like trying to be the executioner tomorrow so he can throw the fight and die in Guy's stead. would that be just? would that be right?]
[. . . the only reason he doesn't try to do any of that because he knows it wouldn't be. and because despite it only being three weeks, he thinks he knows Guy well enough to understand he wouldn't appreciate the senseless sacrifice]
He'll slip off the bed when the silence starts to stretch, approaching the bars. His posture is exhausted and heavy, but there's an intensity in his eyes, a cold anger that runs deep and desperate.
A double-edged sword.]
You find a way out. No matter what. Fight with every last drop of blood left in you to keep your life, and to keep the lives of those around you.
And burn this place to the damn ground if they keep telling you otherwise.
[without any verbal response, Akira pushes himself up from the beanbag and steps towards the bars. it's. . . strange, being on the other side of this, when he's so used to being the one imprisoned, dressed in striped inmate garbs with hands and feed bound]
[. . .]
[he reaches out, one hand touching the bars (his aim a little off thanks to his missing eye) and the other slipping through them, reaching for Guy's should he meet him halfway]
[despite knowing that it could be anyone-- even himself, even someone he cared about deeply, like Ash or Beau or Lili-- he feels relief swelling through him when Guy says that. his grip doesn't loosen; he isn't letting go of that hand, either]
Not that I thought you were the type who would stand down when your life is on the line, but. . . I'm glad.
[wow, he isn't even asking what it is before he agrees. but hey. . . he owes Guy that much. doesn't he? it's clear he wants to make up for his mistakes in any way possible, because Surviving and winning doesn't feel like enough]
Someone needs to check on Asch, especially the day after tomorrow. [...] It doesn't have to be you. But I'm asking you because I know you, specifically, know everyone that came from the mansion, and I know Asch trusted at least one of you.
[There's a mixed, strange emotion that crosses that frustrated look of his, concerned laced with irritation and
regret?
Nah, no, he pulls a hand over his eyes. No need to see that until he gets that little crack sorted out, that's fine.]
I've been doing what I can to try and talk to him, just in case he remembers what happened when he finally snaps out of it. But if I'm not there...
I'm worried about what he might do to himself when his emotions catch up to him. Blowing it off on me is one thing. But...
[He has no idea how hard this is going to hit Asch, between his pride and his self-worth and the intense emotions that Guy knows are going to barrel into the teen like a load of bricks. If he's dead...
[oh. oh. . . he shouldn't be surprised that Guy's request involves Asch, but. . . part of him is. he never fully understood the relationship between the two, after all. "complicated" had explained it enough, even if it still left most things vague and up to interpretation]
[but if Guy was asking him to check in on the redhead, then. . . there had to be some sense of caring there. perhaps not fondness, or even like, but. . . responsibility, maybe]
[. . .]
[he nods, the movement curt but enthusiastic]
I don't know if he trusts me. I think I get on his nerves more than I don't.
But. . . Beau has been talking to him a lot lately. I think they might be close. So I'll assist her as much as I can.
We'll take care of him. [as much as Asch will allow for it] I promise.
If I'm still here... then I'll stay with him, until he's had enough of me. I just think it's unwise for him to be left to his own devices after everything that happened this week.
It might have been ridiculous. But all Asch has left is his pride, and that got pretty much flattened with that curse. And I won't go easy on you here: He's going to be a lot worse before he gets any better.
[so, you know. have fun with that, everyone.
...
His voice quiets, finally loosening his grip on Akira's hand in order to run it back through his own hair.]
I haven't seen Beau yet. If I do... I'll try to talk to her. They're really similar, the two of them.
[Akira draws back when Guy does, fingers wrapping around the bars so he's clutching them with both hands now. a familiar position. . . just still on the wrong side]
No matter how much of a pain in the ass he is, we won't give up on him.
[that is firm!1]
. . . that explains why she's able to handle him better than anyone else here.
[yeah give asch a break, it's guy's turn for most of those things now even though he Hates It]
Hahah --- I'd hope so. I mean, you guys all conquered a soul-eating house. Who wouldn't have some sort of bonding experience through an event like that?
It's way more than we ever did.
[The complete shift is still a little incredible to him. How Asch had gained more than he ever wanted to see, and meanwhile, all he had to show was...
...]
Besides, this is hypothetical, okay? If I'm still here after tomorrow, I'll do my best.
But in the meantime? It's good to hear there's people he can count on, even if he's too stupid to realize it.
Hey, no, don't start talking like that. All you'll do is annoy me.
[It's an exasperated response in contrast to Akira's quiet serious tone, the subject clearly hitting a nerve.]
Regardless of who it is, my thoughts are the same. So what if it's you? I still don't want you to hesitate. So don't go and talk about dying like it's inevitable.
Show me how badly you want to keep your life and what you've earned.
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I guess you could say that I already panicked for the sake of my life when I was caught a month ago. Ever since then... I've just been coasting by on borrowed time. Hoping it wouldn't catch up with me, or maybe thinking I would keep being lucky enough to live another day.
Now that this is happening again... I wouldn't say it's gone. To think about tomorrow is... [His fists tighten against his knees.] Well. It's different. I have the option to fight. To give it one last shot.
I'm scared. Anyone would be scared. But all I can do is fight, and see if I deserve to have a little more borrowed time.
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Of course you do. Everyone deserves that time, no matter what they've done in the past. No matter how many people they've hurt.
[this is why he's friends with Akechi]
And it's stupid to say that this is some karmic retribution for what you did back at the temple. It's not. It's not.
It's just us. . . [a deep exhale, and he lifts a hand to rake his fingers through his hair, careful to do so on the side without the ANIME EYE BANDAGES]
It's us still not being good enough. It's just letting you down for a second week in a row.
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I made the mistakes I made at the temple because I made a problem completely centered around myself. What I wanted, how I could make sure my wish would come true, even if I had to shed blood and lose my own shot in the process. I twisted it to make it seem like it was altruistic, that I was thinking of the better of someone I cared about. I broke their trust in the process, because I decided that what I wanted was what they needed most. That's letting someone down, Akira.
I'm upset at how things went with Yu. I'm not exactly pleased with how things went here. The fact that so many people didn't trust me at my word just showed what kind of position I'd really put myself in.
It's unfair. But no one's letting me down. Not you, or Asch, or anyone else that's stuck here.
The only way you'll let me down is if you give up.
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You already know that I won't.
[he doesn't need to say it again. there's only so many times he can yell and scream it at the top of his lungs before the words stop having any meaning. he doesn't want to get to that point]
If that's what it takes to repay you-- if that's really all you want from me, and not my apologies-- then. . . I that's what I'll do.
[it feels so small, though. it feels like he should be doing something else, like trying to take Guy's place, like trying to be the executioner tomorrow so he can throw the fight and die in Guy's stead. would that be just? would that be right?]
[. . . the only reason he doesn't try to do any of that because he knows it wouldn't be. and because despite it only being three weeks, he thinks he knows Guy well enough to understand he wouldn't appreciate the senseless sacrifice]
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He'll slip off the bed when the silence starts to stretch, approaching the bars. His posture is exhausted and heavy, but there's an intensity in his eyes, a cold anger that runs deep and desperate.
A double-edged sword.]
You find a way out. No matter what. Fight with every last drop of blood left in you to keep your life, and to keep the lives of those around you.
And burn this place to the damn ground if they keep telling you otherwise.
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[without any verbal response, Akira pushes himself up from the beanbag and steps towards the bars. it's. . . strange, being on the other side of this, when he's so used to being the one imprisoned, dressed in striped inmate garbs with hands and feed bound]
[. . .]
[he reaches out, one hand touching the bars (his aim a little off thanks to his missing eye) and the other slipping through them, reaching for Guy's should he meet him halfway]
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He'll take that extended hand with a sharp exhale, his grip painfully firm, even as his fingers tremble despite himself.]
We're not losing this.
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We aren't.
[he says that quietly but with the very same determination Guy has seen in him before. no matter how much it hurts. . . that flame will never go out]
. . . and despite everything, I am so glad I met you, Guy.
haha this thread will definitely age well
[He lets out a tight exhale, leaning his head against the bars, keeping his hold against Akira's hand.]
I'm going to fight for my life tomorrow. No matter who it is against me.
I'm not going to hesitate.
I'M CRYING
[despite knowing that it could be anyone-- even himself, even someone he cared about deeply, like Ash or Beau or Lili-- he feels relief swelling through him when Guy says that. his grip doesn't loosen; he isn't letting go of that hand, either]
Not that I thought you were the type who would stand down when your life is on the line, but. . . I'm glad.
[he's glad to hear it nevertheless]
good
The value of your life is one thing you can't budge on. It's the most precious thing you have. To not fight for it is foolishness.
[...]
Akira... if things turn for the absolute worst tomorrow, then I need you to do something for me.
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[wow, he isn't even asking what it is before he agrees. but hey. . . he owes Guy that much. doesn't he? it's clear he wants to make up for his mistakes in any way possible, because Surviving and winning doesn't feel like enough]
Just ask, and I'll do it.
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[There's a mixed, strange emotion that crosses that frustrated look of his, concerned laced with irritation and
regret?
Nah, no, he pulls a hand over his eyes. No need to see that until he gets that little crack sorted out, that's fine.]
I've been doing what I can to try and talk to him, just in case he remembers what happened when he finally snaps out of it. But if I'm not there...
I'm worried about what he might do to himself when his emotions catch up to him. Blowing it off on me is one thing. But...
[He has no idea how hard this is going to hit Asch, between his pride and his self-worth and the intense emotions that Guy knows are going to barrel into the teen like a load of bricks. If he's dead...
Would that make it better? Or worse?]
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[but if Guy was asking him to check in on the redhead, then. . . there had to be some sense of caring there. perhaps not fondness, or even like, but. . . responsibility, maybe]
[. . .]
[he nods, the movement curt but enthusiastic]
I don't know if he trusts me. I think I get on his nerves more than I don't.
But. . . Beau has been talking to him a lot lately. I think they might be close. So I'll assist her as much as I can.
We'll take care of him. [as much as Asch will allow for it] I promise.
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If I'm still here... then I'll stay with him, until he's had enough of me. I just think it's unwise for him to be left to his own devices after everything that happened this week.
It might have been ridiculous. But all Asch has left is his pride, and that got pretty much flattened with that curse. And I won't go easy on you here: He's going to be a lot worse before he gets any better.
[so, you know. have fun with that, everyone.
...
His voice quiets, finally loosening his grip on Akira's hand in order to run it back through his own hair.]
I haven't seen Beau yet. If I do... I'll try to talk to her. They're really similar, the two of them.
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No matter how much of a pain in the ass he is, we won't give up on him.
[that is firm!1]
. . . that explains why she's able to handle him better than anyone else here.
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[...
A beat. He clears his throat, a hand pressing against the back of his neck.]
Anyway.
I don't know how helpful any of that was. But as long as someone makes sure he isn't destroying himself... then I won't have any complaints.
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[no more scapegoating Asch. no more letting him die or take a bullet just because he believes he should!!]
I'm not close to him, but I think all of us from the mansion feel a bit. . . protective of each other.
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Hahah --- I'd hope so. I mean, you guys all conquered a soul-eating house. Who wouldn't have some sort of bonding experience through an event like that?
It's way more than we ever did.
[The complete shift is still a little incredible to him. How Asch had gained more than he ever wanted to see, and meanwhile, all he had to show was...
...]
Besides, this is hypothetical, okay? If I'm still here after tomorrow, I'll do my best.
But in the meantime? It's good to hear there's people he can count on, even if he's too stupid to realize it.
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I want you to still be here tomorrow. [Akira admits, voice quiet] . . . and yeah, I know what that means.
But if you win, I'll be glad. No matter who you're up against.
[a pause]
Even if you're up against me.
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[It's an exasperated response in contrast to Akira's quiet serious tone, the subject clearly hitting a nerve.]
Regardless of who it is, my thoughts are the same. So what if it's you? I still don't want you to hesitate. So don't go and talk about dying like it's inevitable.
Show me how badly you want to keep your life and what you've earned.
SLOWLY BUT SURELY RETURNS TO TAGS. . .
No. That's not what I meant.
[well. . . not exactly, anyway. even if part of him still does believe he should be the one taking Guy's place]
I told you I'd survive. I mean it. I'm just saying-- [a breath out]
If I did lose. . . I wouldn't hold it against you. I wouldn't be mad at all.
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[It's half aggravated, half wry, the blonde taking a moment to shoot Akira a deadpan look before his features soften.
...]
I figured you wouldn't, Akira. You seem like the kind of guy that puts up with way more than he should for others.
But that doesn't change what I said.
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[another breath]
And don't worry. If I am the one who's picked tomorrow, I'll give it my all.
[. . .]
[even if it feels like he shouldn't]
this thread continues to not age well
[He'll cross his arms tight, lips quirking up at the corners slightly.]
You gave me enough of a workout when we were just sparring. So I'll know if you're not putting up a fight.
THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS IN BACKTAG HELL
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