[ In the end, the living would only make things right by ending this game. By making sense of all the sacrifice, as if that were possible. But even then—there's been damage done already, right?
It's difficult when he sympathizes with everyone—they've all hurt and struggled in their own way. If he opened his ears to the killers' perspective, then he needs to listen to the dead, too. ]
[His smile comes too easy, nowhere close to genuine.]
Nope.
I was given a losing hand from the start. Several people who claimed to want to be caught still willingly led to my execution, and I would never have been able to survive once I was sentenced. If I had killed Wen Ning, I know several people, including the roles, would have murdered me where I stood. No one came to my defense. No one has since then. I was a guilty man in the temple, so whether that colored everyone's reactions might be a cause.
But how I feel doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. So we're not talking about it.
[ By now he's aware of Guy's past actions—as far as people who 'deserved' death, both of them seem to fit the bill pretty plainly. He understands, even if he doesn't sympathize overmuch.
What he doesn't like is how easy it is to weigh life and death here. As though some people deserved it more than others, when really, it came down to the killers' choice. ]
There's more to this than the grand scheme.
[ Everyone he's spoken to knows that the snake is priority. They'll all rally together in the end and do what needs to be done, he's sure—still. There's a sort of distant melancholy in his eyes, a raw emotion he's too tired to even try and hide. ]
I refuse to believe that the ends justify the means. Even if I understand it with my mind, my heart doesn't accept it. Everyone's feelings, everyone's grief and disappointment—they all still matter.
[ Even if they do the right thing in the end, he's not going to sit here and pretend they can't feel anything about it. ]
You're not wrong. And gathering everyone together despite hurt or hatred is going to be a necessity, even here. None of us can just ignore it.
[He doesn't flinch. It's an earnest answer from the prince, one he might appreciate at any other time. Right now, though it's correct, it's still very irritating.]
But, like I said, my feelings aren't important. [Emphasis on his, and only his.] I'm sure you'll find others more aligned to speak about their hatreds of this place, but I'm not the one you can count on to voice my anger so plainly, Your Highness. I was responsible for the rocks, if you recall, and I have a responsibility now that I've failed to keep myself where I was needed. That means keeping my matters to myself.
I'll deal with my opinion of this in my own time, when we aren't on the brink of burning this place to ashes. Until then, I'd rather be focusing on the whole. This group is a mess, for lack of better words, and I'm not a leader. But I have to do what I can.
That's how I choose to be angry. Talking it out can wait.
[ If this is how Guy opts to cope, that's fine. Truthfully, they all have so many aches and pains they'll need to resolve by the end of this all—he hadn't planned to deal with it until then either, if for different reasons. ]
As long as you're letting yourself feel it one way or another, I've no complaints.
[ All feelings are important, Guy. With that said, he'll let him be. ]
Was there anything you'd like to ask me? As I told you, I think the living and the dead are now on the same page about most things, but if there's anything you're still curious about...
Everything that we passed along was understood eventually. As far as the other way around... [He has to think about it, honestly. Yasusada had cleared up quite a few of his concerns, and they were running into so much repeating information now that it was hard to glean what they were missing.
...
With a sigh, he loops around to the other side of the bar, sliding up onto the seat next to Dimitri's so he can properly lean himself onto the counter, fingers lacing together and tone dipping quiet.]
...Unless one of you was able to find out who that Jade figure was, then I think all my questions might run a little more personal than useful.
...
If I'm not mistaken, Your Higness, you were getting pretty close with Asch, right?
I don't think he would be upfront about that to anyone, even if you were the most important person in the world to him. If you believe you're friends, despite his attitude, then chances are you probably are.
[...
A beat. His hands wring together.]
...How has he been doing? The last that you could remember, anyway.
[ That does sound like Asch. He'd been more open about their camaraderie towards the end, but he was never very honest about his feelings... ]
I think... he's been doing better.
[ 1000 yard gaze at early asch ]
He was getting better at apologizing, and was really quite kind to us. He struck me as someone who had lost so much that he didn't know how to hold onto people anymore... But he was always trying to be better about it. That's how it seemed to me, anyway.
[ It's been a difficult few weeks for him. Dimitri's glad that his death didn't send him off into a spiral, but he also didn't expect many people to miss him at all. ]
You knew him as a child, right? I spotted you in one of his memories.
[Ah. So they'd had to share memories among the living, too. That's horrific. But if it helped him speak through thinga, then...
...]
...I did for a few years, yeah. We weren't reunited until a couple of years ago, under some pretty tense circumstances. [Normally he'd stop here. But he flicks his eyes to Dimitri, then back to the counter.] Hasn't changed as much as I'd hoped. I haven't had the time to say what I felt I should have by him. Part of him probably still believes I want him dead, and it's been years since he...
...
Mm. Anyway. The fact that he's trying... that's an immense step forward for him. I know that might sound pretty wild, but I had my doubts if he would ever be able to change. Life had just beaten him so thoroughly that he'd lost sight of himself.
I'd hoped that he'd come around a little, now that he has the chance. I'd figured something had clicked, just from what I could see. But...
[His expression is an odd one, warm but almost... regretful.]
It's good to hear he's letting himself be someone again, without a damn curse getting involved.
[ He knew they were related somehow, but wanting him dead is not exactly what he expected.
Still, there's obviously something more complicated there. ]
The curse was... unfortunate.
[ He sounds a little exasperated at that. ]
But I understand—it can be difficult to continue after such devastating loss. It's not so surprising to me that he'd end up this way. [ After the Tragedy, Dimitri is well aware of how easy it is to lose one's grip on life. He processed his grief differently, but he'd recognized that same trauma in Asch. ] But I think he's genuinely making an effort, even if there were missteps along that path.
[ ... ]
If you knew him from before, I would be proud of his progress. He is a treasured friend, not just to me, but many others.
[His nod is shallow, as though he just barely agrees.]
Agreed. It's not unfamiliar to me, either, so I feel we could have more to talk about, had life been different. I'm impressed by the change I've seen over the screens. But I can't say we were ever friends until recently, Your Highness. Even that is kind of pushing it.
[Siri, mark him as It's Complicated on Facebook.]
...
Did he explain to you what happened when he was a kid?
[ They've spent enough time together that the memory share hit pretty hard. It brought them closer together, but it wasn't an easy experience; Dimitri's gaze softens a little. ]
You were in the background of some of his memories, but I never pressed him about it.
I don't think he would have answered, even if you had, so that was a smart choice. The active role I had in his life was pretty short, and mostly when we were children.
I just can't share those details of his past for him. I gave him my word on that the first day we were on the bus.
[So to hear Dimitri was aware, even with dubious consent, at least gives him enough wiggle room to keep talking.]
I came to work for his father's estate when Asch was only three or so. I was his personal manservant - meant to be a companion as a child and more involved as a retainer as he matured. He was the tertiary heir to the throne of Kimlasca and the only child of his family, so to have a servant entirely devoted to him was only logical.
[ It reminds him more of the Empire, with Edelgard and Hubert, but Dimitri's familiar enough with royal trappings to understand this sort of set-up. ]
That makes sense, yes.
[ It also makes sense that a retainer may not consider himself a 'friend.' It makes less sense that Guy may have harbored some secret resentment towards him. ]
Were the two of you still not very close, then...?
For appearances, yeah. But the reality wasn't as nice as Asch had assumed, anyway. I think he'd gone most of his childhood thinking we were much closer friends than we really were, and for good reason.
[Man why did he put the liquor away, talking abou Asch like this just makes him tense. Grumbles. Oh well.]
I think Van might have told him the truth at some point, or some variety of it. So I can't blame him for feeling uneasy around me. It's another loss on a large list for him, and one that not's even on him entirely.
It's not really his fault I spent that whole time planning to kill him.
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It's difficult when he sympathizes with everyone—they've all hurt and struggled in their own way. If he opened his ears to the killers' perspective, then he needs to listen to the dead, too. ]
Is that how you feel, Guy?
[ Like a chipped and broken tool? Expendable? ]
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Nope.
I was given a losing hand from the start. Several people who claimed to want to be caught still willingly led to my execution, and I would never have been able to survive once I was sentenced. If I had killed Wen Ning, I know several people, including the roles, would have murdered me where I stood. No one came to my defense. No one has since then. I was a guilty man in the temple, so whether that colored everyone's reactions might be a cause.
But how I feel doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. So we're not talking about it.
Alright?
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What he doesn't like is how easy it is to weigh life and death here. As though some people deserved it more than others, when really, it came down to the killers' choice. ]
There's more to this than the grand scheme.
[ Everyone he's spoken to knows that the snake is priority. They'll all rally together in the end and do what needs to be done, he's sure—still. There's a sort of distant melancholy in his eyes, a raw emotion he's too tired to even try and hide. ]
I refuse to believe that the ends justify the means. Even if I understand it with my mind, my heart doesn't accept it. Everyone's feelings, everyone's grief and disappointment—they all still matter.
[ Even if they do the right thing in the end, he's not going to sit here and pretend they can't feel anything about it. ]
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[He doesn't flinch. It's an earnest answer from the prince, one he might appreciate at any other time. Right now, though it's correct, it's still very irritating.]
But, like I said, my feelings aren't important. [Emphasis on his, and only his.] I'm sure you'll find others more aligned to speak about their hatreds of this place, but I'm not the one you can count on to voice my anger so plainly, Your Highness. I was responsible for the rocks, if you recall, and I have a responsibility now that I've failed to keep myself where I was needed. That means keeping my matters to myself.
I'll deal with my opinion of this in my own time, when we aren't on the brink of burning this place to ashes. Until then, I'd rather be focusing on the whole. This group is a mess, for lack of better words, and I'm not a leader. But I have to do what I can.
That's how I choose to be angry. Talking it out can wait.
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As long as you're letting yourself feel it one way or another, I've no complaints.
[ All feelings are important, Guy. With that said, he'll let him be. ]
Was there anything you'd like to ask me? As I told you, I think the living and the dead are now on the same page about most things, but if there's anything you're still curious about...
[ he was alive until just recently, so ]
no subject
...
With a sigh, he loops around to the other side of the bar, sliding up onto the seat next to Dimitri's so he can properly lean himself onto the counter, fingers lacing together and tone dipping quiet.]
...Unless one of you was able to find out who that Jade figure was, then I think all my questions might run a little more personal than useful.
...
If I'm not mistaken, Your Higness, you were getting pretty close with Asch, right?
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Right.
[ He smiles a little, small and exasperated. ]
I'd say we were good friends, though I'm not sure he'd agree...
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[...
A beat. His hands wring together.]
...How has he been doing? The last that you could remember, anyway.
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I think... he's been doing better.
[ 1000 yard gaze at early asch ]
He was getting better at apologizing, and was really quite kind to us. He struck me as someone who had lost so much that he didn't know how to hold onto people anymore... But he was always trying to be better about it. That's how it seemed to me, anyway.
[ It's been a difficult few weeks for him. Dimitri's glad that his death didn't send him off into a spiral, but he also didn't expect many people to miss him at all. ]
You knew him as a child, right? I spotted you in one of his memories.
no subject
...]
...I did for a few years, yeah. We weren't reunited until a couple of years ago, under some pretty tense circumstances. [Normally he'd stop here. But he flicks his eyes to Dimitri, then back to the counter.] Hasn't changed as much as I'd hoped. I haven't had the time to say what I felt I should have by him. Part of him probably still believes I want him dead, and it's been years since he...
...
Mm. Anyway. The fact that he's trying... that's an immense step forward for him. I know that might sound pretty wild, but I had my doubts if he would ever be able to change. Life had just beaten him so thoroughly that he'd lost sight of himself.
I'd hoped that he'd come around a little, now that he has the chance. I'd figured something had clicked, just from what I could see. But...
[His expression is an odd one, warm but almost... regretful.]
It's good to hear he's letting himself be someone again, without a damn curse getting involved.
no subject
Still, there's obviously something more complicated there. ]
The curse was... unfortunate.
[ He sounds a little exasperated at that. ]
But I understand—it can be difficult to continue after such devastating loss. It's not so surprising to me that he'd end up this way. [ After the Tragedy, Dimitri is well aware of how easy it is to lose one's grip on life. He processed his grief differently, but he'd recognized that same trauma in Asch. ] But I think he's genuinely making an effort, even if there were missteps along that path.
[ ... ]
If you knew him from before, I would be proud of his progress. He is a treasured friend, not just to me, but many others.
no subject
Agreed. It's not unfamiliar to me, either, so I feel we could have more to talk about, had life been different. I'm impressed by the change I've seen over the screens. But I can't say we were ever friends until recently, Your Highness. Even that is kind of pushing it.
[Siri, mark him as It's Complicated on Facebook.]
...
Did he explain to you what happened when he was a kid?
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[ They've spent enough time together that the memory share hit pretty hard. It brought them closer together, but it wasn't an easy experience; Dimitri's gaze softens a little. ]
You were in the background of some of his memories, but I never pressed him about it.
no subject
I don't think he would have answered, even if you had, so that was a smart choice. The active role I had in his life was pretty short, and mostly when we were children.
I just can't share those details of his past for him. I gave him my word on that the first day we were on the bus.
[So to hear Dimitri was aware, even with dubious consent, at least gives him enough wiggle room to keep talking.]
I came to work for his father's estate when Asch was only three or so. I was his personal manservant - meant to be a companion as a child and more involved as a retainer as he matured. He was the tertiary heir to the throne of Kimlasca and the only child of his family, so to have a servant entirely devoted to him was only logical.
no subject
That makes sense, yes.
[ It also makes sense that a retainer may not consider himself a 'friend.' It makes less sense that Guy may have harbored some secret resentment towards him. ]
Were the two of you still not very close, then...?
no subject
[Man why did he put the liquor away, talking abou Asch like this just makes him tense. Grumbles. Oh well.]
I think Van might have told him the truth at some point, or some variety of it. So I can't blame him for feeling uneasy around me. It's another loss on a large list for him, and one that not's even on him entirely.
It's not really his fault I spent that whole time planning to kill him.