[ there's a brief moment of silence after guy clatters around, and
eventually, the soft rap of his knuckles is returned from above, right where his hand is. for the moment, yin yu stays where he's settled. he's not really sure he has the wherewithal to move. ]
...I can. [ he's there. he's listening. like this will have to be enough, at least for now. ]
[ yin yu's still quiet. around guy, he's let some of the careful neutrality in his voice start to really fade. from here, muffled through the metal of the shelving, he just sounds exhausted, like all of the fight has been wrung out of him. (because it has been.) ]
Would I have been looking for you this whole time if that wasn't the case?
[A servant must know where his master is at all times. The same could not be said for a friend. Yin Yu was not a responsibility or duty, but a deliberate choice.]
...I won't ask if you're alright. I know you're not. There has to be a lot of things going through your head right now. Especially after what Huaisang said.
he doesn't say anything at first. it couldn't have been that obvious to most, but yin yu was arguably more frustrated and angry with nie huaisang than he was with ogata. ]
I don't think I was wrong. [ in either case. ] ...I know she helped cover Sect Leader Nie's trail, whether it was with a power or otherwise.
I know Sect Leader Nie, in ways that I don't think many others do. Whether he's been forthcoming with me or not doesn't matter: it is the relationship of a lord and a retainer to be left in the dark. I don't consider him my lord by any means - [ but the ingrained respect of those relationships that color his entire life do not fade so easily ] - nor do I expect him to tell me the truth.
...but if I knew Lady Flayn was guilty of something - or if she knew that I was, conversely - we would not have attempted to hide it. [ and he didn't, in their watching of the trial, either. the minute he knew, he let it be known. ] The people who are in that position cannot confess. It is the duty of those who know them to find the proper end.
The fact that he would absolve Lady Beau of guilt simply by manner of her being close to him is infuriating to me. And the fact that Lady Beau would not say anything just proves to me why the two of them are so close. [ nie huasiang is a politician. to his very core, and beau...
over the last week, he'd thought she will do something reckless.. yin yu is fairly sure he wasn't wrong. she was involved. she had to be. ] I believe Lady Flayn must have done the final blow, or she would have confessed.
[ there's a pause. when he speaks this time, it's heavier, with the weight of a bone deep sorrow. ] ...she practically did confess. She's been denied a mercy, whether they realize it or not.
[Hm. His own feelings on Nie Huaisang are tinged with frustration and disappointment, keeping his voice an icy neutral.]
Beau must have convinced herself, one way or another, that she's doing the right thing in the actions she's taking. She's emotional and stubborn and easily led by guilt, whether it's earned or otherwise, and I get the feeling she's the type who would drag herself along the coals for redemption. Huaisang comes across the fool, and while I respect that he's in a position of leadership, he's still a coward. But he has the tongue of someone who's had time to practice.
If it comes to the end and she truly is guilty, I think Beau will find a way to say so. Especially if she isnt the one to be executioner. [He saw her response to Majima. If she really was involved, then her goal would ideally be to take her share of the blame in refusing to fight in the execution, thus wiping her guilt and the need for her to take another life with her own hands, as well as taling her to be with Huaisang. It makes him sick, to be quite honest.] That's going to consume her.
But if he has given her nothing but support, and she has given him nothing but protection and validation, then I can understand why neither of them will budge.
Sect Leader Nie is incredibly intelligent. He may not be strong, but he is very, very clever.
[ boy does he know that! ] I saw a memory of his the week they were being shared that only confirmed that, and his actions at the trial after your death only proved my thoughts correct.
[ and they're right along the same lines in terms of thought with the execution, for a little while, too, but eventually, he shakes his head. ] ...But I don't think that Lady Beau will risk herself beyond her own participation. I think she will want to stay alive, for a myriad of reasons, one of which being whatever contingency plans she has with Sect Leader Nie. But I agree that her heart is soft - and that she isn't a bad person.
It is that soft heart that further makes me believe her involvement. Because, I think they were right, in that this was planned, that Lord Dimitri wanted to die....but I don't think Flayn wants to live.
[ it hurts to say that. it feels like there's a block of lead sitting on his chest, and guy will hear yin yu take a deep breath from the shelf above before he continues, closing his eyes for a long, fierce moment. still water.
his voice returns softer. ] ...in fact, while there are parts of this that are still obscured, that much is crystal clear.
Perhaps it is just because I know her better than I know anyone in this camp. But it's not Lady Beau's guilt that will kill her - it's Flayn's. If she participated in this, if she did it, it was because she was expecting to be caught, and they failed her.
[There's a soft rapping of his fingers against the metal where he knows Yin Yu is seated, the best he can do to acknowledge that break in composure. To have a loved one want nothing more than to die was not an unfamiliar position, one that he felt very bitterly about, even now. He knows that, if it had been Luke, he wouldn't be able to control his own fury.
He remembers how Luke had been after the trial. How empty he had looked. How agonized he became. He struggled to completely understand without taking offense. To see it reflected here, in a different fashion, in a man grieving for the guilt of a lived one...
It stirs something sour in him, something he doesn't want to dwell on.
...]
This leaves us in a bad position. Dimitri won't remember, and we don't know whether or not Flayn will be able to confess outside the limits of the trial.
There might not be anything we can do for the time being, other than let her know what we saw and try to communicate it to the others.
[ guy just echoes his own thoughts: they're all things he knows. there's nothing he can do, and that - that is the most unbelievably horrifying thing he can think of. he has to stand here, and watch. for the next week, he will have to stand here and watch while flayn falls to pieces.
again.
the helplessness of it all - to know that someone who has been nothing but good and kind to him is going to be suffering an unbelievable amount of pain hurts him worse than any wound could have. all he's tried to do his entire time in this damned camp is protect flayn, and this is.
...there is nothing that he can do. in dying, he may have kept from becoming a killer again, but now, he's left flayn so far behind.
he folds his hands and rests his forehead against them, and stays silent until guy speaks up at the end. yin yu has been trying to stay in calm, rational crisis mode all evening, and trying to think of a way to write flayn that would make it safely through their censors has been one of those things. will it be too late? by friday - how much worse can things possibly be? ] ...what?
and for the tiniest moment, the weight lifts. ] What?
[ it's mostly rhetorical, but it's like being shocked with a defibrillator, or, maybe in his terms, like getting a fresh jolt of qi to the meridians. it's - it's something.
he swings his legs over the side of the shelf and hops down to guy's with all of the grace he has, landing on a box and ducking so he doesn't hit his head. ] You - does it say when they'll be sent?
Right. [ yeah -- yeah. yeah. it's heartening. he stands there for a moment, processing all of the information, the surprised light starting to fade as he centers himself. does that mean something will happen this week so they won't be able to send them later? or was this luck? a blessing?
it doesn't matter. he'll seize the opportunity and use it to the best of his ability. ]
...If nothing else, we can plan for one each. [ yin yu says, a little more slowly, settling into business mode. with so many unknowns, there are too many places to start.
he takes a deep breath. ] We have to focus on how we can help the living.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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eventually, the soft rap of his knuckles is returned from above, right where his hand is. for the moment, yin yu stays where he's settled. he's not really sure he has the wherewithal to move. ]
...I can. [ he's there. he's listening. like this will have to be enough, at least for now. ]
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Thank goodness.
[He'll let his hand rest against the metal, just for a moment, before pulling back. Where to start...]
...If you would prefer I leave, then just say the word. But I'd like to stay, so long as you'd allow it.
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[ yin yu's still quiet. around guy, he's let some of the careful neutrality in his voice start to really fade. from here, muffled through the metal of the shelving, he just sounds exhausted, like all of the fight has been wrung out of him. (because it has been.) ]
...but you're welcome to stay, if you want to.
[ because they're friends. ]
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[A servant must know where his master is at all times. The same could not be said for a friend. Yin Yu was not a responsibility or duty, but a deliberate choice.]
...I won't ask if you're alright. I know you're not. There has to be a lot of things going through your head right now. Especially after what Huaisang said.
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he doesn't say anything at first. it couldn't have been that obvious to most, but yin yu was arguably more frustrated and angry with nie huaisang than he was with ogata. ]
I don't think I was wrong. [ in either case. ] ...I know she helped cover Sect Leader Nie's trail, whether it was with a power or otherwise.
I know Sect Leader Nie, in ways that I don't think many others do. Whether he's been forthcoming with me or not doesn't matter: it is the relationship of a lord and a retainer to be left in the dark. I don't consider him my lord by any means - [ but the ingrained respect of those relationships that color his entire life do not fade so easily ] - nor do I expect him to tell me the truth.
...but if I knew Lady Flayn was guilty of something - or if she knew that I was, conversely - we would not have attempted to hide it. [ and he didn't, in their watching of the trial, either. the minute he knew, he let it be known. ] The people who are in that position cannot confess. It is the duty of those who know them to find the proper end.
The fact that he would absolve Lady Beau of guilt simply by manner of her being close to him is infuriating to me. And the fact that Lady Beau would not say anything just proves to me why the two of them are so close. [ nie huasiang is a politician. to his very core, and beau...
over the last week, he'd thought she will do something reckless.. yin yu is fairly sure he wasn't wrong. she was involved. she had to be. ] I believe Lady Flayn must have done the final blow, or she would have confessed.
[ there's a pause. when he speaks this time, it's heavier, with the weight of a bone deep sorrow. ] ...she practically did confess. She's been denied a mercy, whether they realize it or not.
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Beau must have convinced herself, one way or another, that she's doing the right thing in the actions she's taking. She's emotional and stubborn and easily led by guilt, whether it's earned or otherwise, and I get the feeling she's the type who would drag herself along the coals for redemption. Huaisang comes across the fool, and while I respect that he's in a position of leadership, he's still a coward. But he has the tongue of someone who's had time to practice.
If it comes to the end and she truly is guilty, I think Beau will find a way to say so. Especially if she isnt the one to be executioner. [He saw her response to Majima. If she really was involved, then her goal would ideally be to take her share of the blame in refusing to fight in the execution, thus wiping her guilt and the need for her to take another life with her own hands, as well as taling her to be with Huaisang. It makes him sick, to be quite honest.] That's going to consume her.
But if he has given her nothing but support, and she has given him nothing but protection and validation, then I can understand why neither of them will budge.
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[ boy does he know that! ] I saw a memory of his the week they were being shared that only confirmed that, and his actions at the trial after your death only proved my thoughts correct.
[ and they're right along the same lines in terms of thought with the execution, for a little while, too, but eventually, he shakes his head. ] ...But I don't think that Lady Beau will risk herself beyond her own participation. I think she will want to stay alive, for a myriad of reasons, one of which being whatever contingency plans she has with Sect Leader Nie. But I agree that her heart is soft - and that she isn't a bad person.
It is that soft heart that further makes me believe her involvement. Because, I think they were right, in that this was planned, that Lord Dimitri wanted to die....but I don't think Flayn wants to live.
[ it hurts to say that. it feels like there's a block of lead sitting on his chest, and guy will hear yin yu take a deep breath from the shelf above before he continues, closing his eyes for a long, fierce moment. still water.
his voice returns softer. ] ...in fact, while there are parts of this that are still obscured, that much is crystal clear.
Perhaps it is just because I know her better than I know anyone in this camp. But it's not Lady Beau's guilt that will kill her - it's Flayn's. If she participated in this, if she did it, it was because she was expecting to be caught, and they failed her.
[ it was so obvious.
please stop talking, magnus. ]
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He remembers how Luke had been after the trial. How empty he had looked. How agonized he became. He struggled to completely understand without taking offense. To see it reflected here, in a different fashion, in a man grieving for the guilt of a lived one...
It stirs something sour in him, something he doesn't want to dwell on.
...]
This leaves us in a bad position. Dimitri won't remember, and we don't know whether or not Flayn will be able to confess outside the limits of the trial.
There might not be anything we can do for the time being, other than let her know what we saw and try to communicate it to the others.
That's why I came to find you.
no subject
again.
the helplessness of it all - to know that someone who has been nothing but good and kind to him is going to be suffering an unbelievable amount of pain hurts him worse than any wound could have. all he's tried to do his entire time in this damned camp is protect flayn, and this is.
...there is nothing that he can do. in dying, he may have kept from becoming a killer again, but now, he's left flayn so far behind.
he folds his hands and rests his forehead against them, and stays silent until guy speaks up at the end. yin yu has been trying to stay in calm, rational crisis mode all evening, and trying to think of a way to write flayn that would make it safely through their censors has been one of those things. will it be too late? by friday - how much worse can things possibly be? ] ...what?
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[Maybe it was luck. Maybe someone was showing them mercy. Guy doesn't care. He's not the one with an urgent message to pass along.]
I don't know for how long, or how many. But we can send out more messages.
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and for the tiniest moment, the weight lifts. ] What?
[ it's mostly rhetorical, but it's like being shocked with a defibrillator, or, maybe in his terms, like getting a fresh jolt of qi to the meridians. it's - it's something.
he swings his legs over the side of the shelf and hops down to guy's with all of the grace he has, landing on a box and ducking so he doesn't hit his head. ] You - does it say when they'll be sent?
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He'll shake his head, slipping off his awkward spot underneath where he'd been speaking to get his footing back on the shelf proper.]
No, it doesn't. I can try to check with the directors, but it was more important that I found you first.
It can't be a coincidence. Maybe we can send something out earlier, maybe not. But we can't waste it.
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it doesn't matter. he'll seize the opportunity and use it to the best of his ability. ]
...If nothing else, we can plan for one each. [ yin yu says, a little more slowly, settling into business mode. with so many unknowns, there are too many places to start.
he takes a deep breath. ] We have to focus on how we can help the living.