yin yu takes a sip of his drink. it burns, a little, but it's familiar, too.
(It was a sweet, bubbly drink called soda, mixed with... whiskey, I believe. You must try it! It was much tastier than I had expected.) ]
No... it wasn't. [ he says, to the drink in his hand, sounding a little wistful, staring down. it's just dredges up worse memories; the island, the blur of his memories, the way black shadows--wen ning croaked his hellos after the prenup. ] In the end, some are more of victims than others. So few of the people among us in the place we have been have had blood on their hands.
Blood on your hands or not, if you take a life, for whatever reason, you need to take ownership and live with that, or else that life you took is worth nothing.
[That bitter tone only strengthens as his words quietly start to tumble out, spurred by twenty-five days of nothing but sour frustrations and denials.]
They can explain all they want, but falling prostrate and saying how hard they've had it doesn't solve anything. It doesn't change that many people died in their place for things they chose to do, and that we maybe we don't want a damn apology or taling their life in revenge, when apologies don't change what they could have easily taken from everyone and killing them gives them nothing but a pithy way out.
Own up to your damn burdens and live. Don't sit there and imply that all of our lives were just fodder because you couldn't find a better way. Keep doing something about it.
What's so hard to understand about that?
[This is exactly why he is not at the store right now, because this kind of talk would probably get him knifed by Shinobu.
[ everything guy's saying is, of course, true. yin yu doesn't really disagree with him. the "my life is hard" talk got quite repetitive, six times in a row. but he knows... he doesn't know everyone in that group, but there are a few of them who he knows would have done everything they can to try to avoid it, or at least try to solve it. who knows why it took this long. can they do anything in time, in this godforsaken place?
he tilts his head back against the edge of the bar and listens, thoughtfully tapping his fingertips against his glass. he's biased, for at least one member of that group, but... ]
...I can understand wanting to admit to guilt, but I don't believe that absolve you of it, either. Even Flayn. [ yin yu says, quietly. ] ...But I don't think that she was absolving herself of anything, either.
[ he could see it in her face, on that screen, on saturday. flayn wanted to die. she wanted to die, today, too, and ahving someone get scapegoated for something she participated in - now more than once must have been killing her.
but she has to live, to get the rest of them back. it will never cure the guilt - he knows that by experience - but she has to live. ]
Ultimately, we don't know what they're doing, beyond what we can see on our screens. As things are finally seeming to draw to a close, those of the living who caused this suffering have a chance to continue doing something, because ultimately... is our enemy each other, or is it the thing that has caused all of this in the first place?
I am not saying there is no reason to be angry. [ as he glances down at his glass. ] But rather, that this fight isn't over yet. And you will be able to speak these words to them, yourself, when it is.
Not the point. [Yin Yu is being very kind and logical about all this, but that just stirs at him in a say that is viscerally uncomfortable right this moment, as partially inebriated as he is.]
I know what the goal is, Yin Yu. I know, I know it's not that simple. I've spent the better part of a month telling myself it's not that simple. I know.
But I'm not crammed back here to think about what I know. For once, I just -- I can't think it through logically right now, alright? Later. Later, when I have to go back to that stone-floored hell and gather up everyone and keep pretending I didn't get my head bashed through for absolutely nothing, because that's just what I have to do.
[...
...
His exhales are ragged as his tail tucks against his legs, the only evidence that he's aware of how loud he's getting. He takes a second, just to pull his voice back down.]
...I'm going to blow up on someone otherwise. Like Zenitsu. Minako. Shinobu.
Sorry. I know what's you're trying to do. It's not unwanted. But just leave logic out of this for a minute.
[ he's quiet, after that, letting guy get everything out. his anger, his emotions, the volume -- he doesn't react. he just listens, quietly, a sounding board as ever.
and then he nods. ] ...Then, let's drink. [ yin yu lifts his own glass, too, in guy's direction. ] And tell me something you hate about this place.
[ with a huff, he looks at his glass. ] I hate the terrible clothing they shoved us in, when we first arrived on that monstrosity of a 'bus'.
He looks sullen for a moment. But only a moment. Those ears on his head cock forward just a little.
Quietly, he'll gesture for the bottle. His glass is empty, man, let him participate if we're gonna do this.]
Lousy excuse for a joke, right?
Here I had a theory running for that bus the whole time and it turned out to be complete nonsense. Junpei could have stopped me at any time, but I think he likes pulling my damn leg.
the comment makes him smile, a little, a bit amused as he lolls his head to look over at guy. ] He seems the type. What was your theory, if you don’t mind me asking?
[He is, at least, being modest with his portion. He is not drinking to get drunk, he is drinking to numb his brain and stop caring for half a minute.]
I used that board on the counter to speak with it. From what I'd gathered, whatever the "bus" was, whether it was a thing or a person or just part of the remnants we brought along - it had done this before. We talked about reincarnation, and that it had many forms, and that it would have likely been something different had our group been different.
For a while, I got stuck on that idea - that this place might be an idea of rebirth of ideas and memories off our experiences, and that our directors might have been the same as the bus.
[Obviously, that's not what happened. But -]
It's mostly been debunked. But I think that that jade figure, the masked one we still don't know?
yin yu does not laugh, because he's nice, and also because it seems like a fair enough assessment.... they know it's completely wrong now, but it's not terrible. ]
I can't say that it sounds that far-fetched, but, I also know very little about whatever brought us here. [ buses... are lost on him. he considers his theory. ] Have you told young master Junpei that theory as well?
Akira thought that I was working with the one wearing the mask. [ yin yu adds, after a moment. he sounds very amused, and he reaches into his pockets and pulls out a simple jade token on a red string. it bears the characters "下弦月使". ] ... Because I had this on me.
It's a symbol that represents my position. I use it to gain passage on behalf of my lord every so often.
[ in retrospect, it is very silly. ] Of course, I do not have any involvement, so I'd say your theory is a bit more sound than his.
Akira's pretty good at taking things a couple steps too far. He's the one who saw I was missing my choker and assumed someone had possibly taken it during a fight or something. He's quick, but that leads him down some overthought routes sometimes.
[Taking a swig.]
Like blaming me for a murder, and then saying he wanted to die in my place. Stupid stuff like that.
Anyway. Yeah, Junpei knows. All he would tell me is that they know who the person in the mask is. Otherwise, he just was something to throw ideas at. Entertaining, but not exactly helpful.
I think you're correct. [ ahhh... depressing. he'd grown pretty fond of akira, towards the end of his stay. maybe there's a reason.
..he makes a soft noise, this time, the amusement a bit darker. ] ...Perhaps that's something to add to the list. I quite hate how this place has us all questioning everything we know without finding many answers.
[ ....the drink's still strong on the way down, but the burn's a little reliving. ]
Agreed. Once bitten, twice shy, or however that saying goes. But I wonder how many accidents we could have avoided if we all weren't second guessing ourselves from experience.
[He sighs, his next statement wry.]
For being a bunch of people who used to be stuck in places that required solving murders, we're all pretty damn bad at solving murders.
[ that does make yin yu laugh, this time, the noise startled out of him. ]
...We certainly are. [ gods above. cheers to that! he lifts his drink to it. ] I think I shall quite like going back to dealing with ghosts, when all of this is said and done.
And that's apparently embarrassing because guy immediately like. Shoves his fluffy wagging tail out of the way with one hand and lifts his glass with the other]
It all sounds bleak to me, putting it like that. You've been through far more of life than I have, so I'll try not to say something out of turn. But being surrounded by nothing but the dead sounds like a miserable place to spend eternity.
[Yknow. Like hell costco, but infinite and full of even more ghosts.]
[ yin yu absolutely notices that, but he will say nothing, because again, he is a nice person. his mouth twitches, though, up into a smile, even as he talks through his impression of ghost city. ]
...Believe it or not, it's extremely lively. It's not just ghosts - there are demons, too, and it's as crowded as crowded can be. Think of the largest city you possibly can in your homeland, and fill it with creatures of all sorts, most of whom are extremely rowdy. Many of the businesses cater to the ... ah, less proper side of life and death alike, too. There's never a dull moment, and it is a place that constantly keeps me busy.
[ it's actually almost the opposite of the campsco. ] It took some getting used to when I first arrived-- [ because by gods he was depressed!!! boy howdy. he looks down into his glass, the smile remaining for a moment longer, a bit far away. ] but I've come to enjoy many parts of it. I would say it's more strange than miserable.
So more like a hub of some sort...? Or is it meant to be more permanent affairs?
[That's fascinating, but weird? You just stop existing when you die, as far as he's concerned. Life is your only shot. No exceptions. So to think of the dead just continuing life in some sort of Keterburg-esque super city is kind of out there...]
I don't know if I could wrap my mind around it enough, honestly. Death is more or less accepted as a finality on Auldrant.
[and he and death AREN'T FRIENDS WHATSOEVER which makes their current situation all sorts of awkward]
Mm. It's a bit of both. Some will be able to move on peacefully and reincarnate. Others will not - some residents of the city have been there as long as I, or nearly longer. Hua Chengzhu himself is by all technicalities, dead, but he's lived for over eight hundred years.
...In my world, it is more so common to see life and death as a cycle. When you pass, you reincarnate, and that cycle continues. Only those who achieve immortality through godhood or cultivation continue to live on as the same. [ yin yu takes a sip of his drink, thoughtfully. ] It can be final, but such finality it something best to be avoided.
[ because that means your soul got shattered, more or less. not fun! ]
Mm. Reincarnation isn't unheard of on Auldrant as an idea, but... [haha. ha. he's not gonna touch that topic!!!] It doesn't really apply to most people. Most wouldn't consider it.
I prefer it that way, though. If you truly only live once, that means you have to value every second you get, because you won't get a do-over. You live, and you die, and the elements and fonons that make up your body return to the world to make something new. What you live on in is your legacy, and the people who carry who you were.
I'd rather be someone's lasting story than just another gravestone. [Which is why he wants nothing to do with death, and why this place haunts him like a vicegrip to the throat. He has too much of life left for this.]
yin yu tilts his head to look at guy as he speaks. someone's lasting story, huh...
he never really got the chance for that. it suited him that way; yin yu achieved his ultimate dream and learned very quickly it wasn't all it was cracked up to be. for a moment longer he's quiet, letting the solemn seriousness of the moment settle over him like a blanket.
when yin yu does respond, it's thoughtful, soft. ] You would certainly last in mine.
Yin Yu... Hey, you don't... [--have to say it like that. But the thought dies on his lips, a handwave around the subject just not even an option. All that's left is that awkward feeling from before, touched by the compliment but fighting with the feelings it drudges up behind its wake.]
...This isn't how I want to be remembered. [Not as a casualty. Not as he was right now, bitter and petty and holed up in the back of a bar because he'd reached the end of his rope.
His voice drops, though those ears of his don't flatten back again.] But...
Thank you. It's mutual.
It's kind of been a while since I've had someone that treated me like... [nicely. empathetically. honestly.]... you know. As a peer, and not... [Just. Gestures vaguely.]
[ oh - that's not what he really meant, either, and behind him, the feathers of those dumb brightly colored wings puff up a little, like he's surprised. he opens his mouth to say something, refute that (embarrassed, a little, his ears starting to turn red) --
...but, with guy's last statement, he deflates, and rubs the back of his neck. ] That's - what I mean. That is what I would remember: as someone who called me their friend.
[ what a strange concept. he huffs, feathers ruffling behind him. ] ...It's been - I have not had a friend of my own since before I worked for Hua Chengzhu. [ since jian yu. since before the heavens. this sort of emotional bonding talk is making him squirm. ] Before this, it felt quite far fetched.
[ so he's so, so immensely appreciative. though it's terrible that they were reunited in death, yin yu is...selfishly, a little glad that he's able to see his friend again. his friend. ] ...You don't have to explain to me. I understand.
[ and that's why this works so well, isn't it? because it's the camaraderie of a servant, and a servant. of someone who has been through many hardships. of two former nobles who were kicked down to a lower rung in life; but who came to see what they needed, anyway. the difference, for him, between talking to most of the people in camp and talking to guy is almost astounding. ] I am not someone who is easily remembered, so it is - I'm grateful you would say so.
His mouth quirks up, a sheepish but warm smirk of a smile, subtle but oddly more genuine than most pleasant looks he plasters up on a daily basis.]
I say it because it's the truth, you know. It's not like I choose to be around you out of obligation or because I think you're of some crazy use to me. There's things I know you'll understand from experience. More than I thought at first. [It's eerie. Maybe some people would call it fate, but he's never been one to believe in that.] And besides. I just like your presence. You're someone I wouldn't hesitate to say I respected.
One lifetime is already too long a time to spend completely alone. It's my honor to be permitted to keep the space a little less empty for you, as long as you allow it.
[It's mutual trust. Something he hasn't felt since...
I was telling the truth.
It's not that I'm not angered by this. I am. The fact that none of you trusted me shows just what kind of position I was in from the start.
[ yin yu's smile is small, but grateful, in return, and he tips his head downwards in gratitude. ]
The feeling is mutual. [ jian yu, would you be proud of him? or would you be jealous? he thinks they might have gotten along. what a strange feeling, to feel remembered, to feel seen, to feel known. to have the chance to even build a camaraderie with someone, and to so of his own volition. it was slow, but it was his own.
to guy's second comment - which is very thoughtful and sweet, actually - he tips his glass, to offer to clink them together, then downs the rest of his drink and reaches for the bottle to top himself off, and... ]
[He'll extend his glass for that little toast, before leaning his head back against the bar and staring up at the ceiling.]
During the trial, I addressed you in a way that was shameful. You might not agree, but...
Rather than speaking to you as a friend that I know you are, I addressed you in a way I only ever did with those that served my family. A lord knows what words sway his servants into attention, whether good or bad. [With Peregynt, or with Vandesdelca, or the remnants of Hod that walked the mainlands. There was decorum that came out only in private, only with those that swore an oath to him.]
As much as I want to use concern as my excuse, it's not the way I want to be treating a friend, nor is it a way I would want to be treated were our positions reversed.
and then he just -- he doesn't quite laugh, but guy will easily see the flash of amusement on his face as he gets his drink poured. yin yu shakes his head, but he still politely accepts it: ] I appreciate and accept your apology, though there's nothing to really apologize for.
You brought me back from something I didn't want to fall into. It was exactly what I needed to hear, at that moment, and for that I am very grateful. [ which is very much true. but! he accepted the apology, so he bows his head, in warm gratitude.
as he leans back, he sips from his drink, and this time, yin yu's mouth twitches properly into a smile. ] Besides, I've told you something of my lord. He is no born noble - in fact, I was born into a higher standing than he was. Our relationship is a bit odd, in terms of that of a lord and retainer. The only nobles I ever speak to are him, Black Water Sinking Ships, who is... [ ......... ] not particularly noble, and Taizi Dianxia of Xian Le.
It was only out of the habit perhaps of emotion, more so than it was of position or standing, that made it so effective.
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yin yu takes a sip of his drink. it burns, a little, but it's familiar, too.
(It was a sweet, bubbly drink called soda, mixed with... whiskey, I believe. You must try it! It was much tastier than I had expected.) ]
No... it wasn't. [ he says, to the drink in his hand, sounding a little wistful, staring down. it's just dredges up worse memories; the island, the blur of his memories, the way black shadows--wen ning croaked his hellos after the prenup. ] In the end, some are more of victims than others. So few of the people among us in the place we have been have had blood on their hands.
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Blood on your hands or not, if you take a life, for whatever reason, you need to take ownership and live with that, or else that life you took is worth nothing.
[That bitter tone only strengthens as his words quietly start to tumble out, spurred by twenty-five days of nothing but sour frustrations and denials.]
They can explain all they want, but falling prostrate and saying how hard they've had it doesn't solve anything. It doesn't change that many people died in their place for things they chose to do, and that we maybe we don't want a damn apology or taling their life in revenge, when apologies don't change what they could have easily taken from everyone and killing them gives them nothing but a pithy way out.
Own up to your damn burdens and live. Don't sit there and imply that all of our lives were just fodder because you couldn't find a better way. Keep doing something about it.
What's so hard to understand about that?
[This is exactly why he is not at the store right now, because this kind of talk would probably get him knifed by Shinobu.
But fuck Shinobu right now.]
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he tilts his head back against the edge of the bar and listens, thoughtfully tapping his fingertips against his glass. he's biased, for at least one member of that group, but... ]
...I can understand wanting to admit to guilt, but I don't believe that absolve you of it, either. Even Flayn. [ yin yu says, quietly. ] ...But I don't think that she was absolving herself of anything, either.
[ he could see it in her face, on that screen, on saturday. flayn wanted to die. she wanted to die, today, too, and ahving someone get scapegoated for something she participated in - now more than once must have been killing her.
but she has to live, to get the rest of them back. it will never cure the guilt - he knows that by experience - but she has to live. ]
Ultimately, we don't know what they're doing, beyond what we can see on our screens. As things are finally seeming to draw to a close, those of the living who caused this suffering have a chance to continue doing something, because ultimately... is our enemy each other, or is it the thing that has caused all of this in the first place?
I am not saying there is no reason to be angry. [ as he glances down at his glass. ] But rather, that this fight isn't over yet. And you will be able to speak these words to them, yourself, when it is.
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I know what the goal is, Yin Yu. I know, I know it's not that simple. I've spent the better part of a month telling myself it's not that simple. I know.
But I'm not crammed back here to think about what I know. For once, I just -- I can't think it through logically right now, alright? Later. Later, when I have to go back to that stone-floored hell and gather up everyone and keep pretending I didn't get my head bashed through for absolutely nothing, because that's just what I have to do.
[...
...
His exhales are ragged as his tail tucks against his legs, the only evidence that he's aware of how loud he's getting. He takes a second, just to pull his voice back down.]
...I'm going to blow up on someone otherwise. Like Zenitsu. Minako. Shinobu.
Sorry. I know what's you're trying to do. It's not unwanted. But just leave logic out of this for a minute.
[Please.]
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and then he nods. ] ...Then, let's drink. [ yin yu lifts his own glass, too, in guy's direction. ] And tell me something you hate about this place.
[ with a huff, he looks at his glass. ] I hate the terrible clothing they shoved us in, when we first arrived on that monstrosity of a 'bus'.
[ and takes a sip. ]
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He looks sullen for a moment. But only a moment. Those ears on his head cock forward just a little.
Quietly, he'll gesture for the bottle. His glass is empty, man, let him participate if we're gonna do this.]
Lousy excuse for a joke, right?
Here I had a theory running for that bus the whole time and it turned out to be complete nonsense. Junpei could have stopped me at any time, but I think he likes pulling my damn leg.
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the comment makes him smile, a little, a bit amused as he lolls his head to look over at guy. ] He seems the type. What was your theory, if you don’t mind me asking?
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I used that board on the counter to speak with it. From what I'd gathered, whatever the "bus" was, whether it was a thing or a person or just part of the remnants we brought along - it had done this before. We talked about reincarnation, and that it had many forms, and that it would have likely been something different had our group been different.
For a while, I got stuck on that idea - that this place might be an idea of rebirth of ideas and memories off our experiences, and that our directors might have been the same as the bus.
[Obviously, that's not what happened. But -]
It's mostly been debunked. But I think that that jade figure, the masked one we still don't know?
I think that's our "bus".
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yin yu does not laugh, because he's nice, and also because it seems like a fair enough assessment.... they know it's completely wrong now, but it's not terrible. ]
I can't say that it sounds that far-fetched, but, I also know very little about whatever brought us here. [ buses... are lost on him. he considers his theory. ] Have you told young master Junpei that theory as well?
Akira thought that I was working with the one wearing the mask. [ yin yu adds, after a moment. he sounds very amused, and he reaches into his pockets and pulls out a simple jade token on a red string. it bears the characters "下弦月使". ] ... Because I had this on me.
It's a symbol that represents my position. I use it to gain passage on behalf of my lord every so often.
[ in retrospect, it is very silly. ] Of course, I do not have any involvement, so I'd say your theory is a bit more sound than his.
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[Taking a swig.]
Like blaming me for a murder, and then saying he wanted to die in my place. Stupid stuff like that.
Anyway. Yeah, Junpei knows. All he would tell me is that they know who the person in the mask is. Otherwise, he just was something to throw ideas at. Entertaining, but not exactly helpful.
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..he makes a soft noise, this time, the amusement a bit darker. ] ...Perhaps that's something to add to the list. I quite hate how this place has us all questioning everything we know without finding many answers.
[ ....the drink's still strong on the way down, but the burn's a little reliving. ]
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[He sighs, his next statement wry.]
For being a bunch of people who used to be stuck in places that required solving murders, we're all pretty damn bad at solving murders.
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...We certainly are. [ gods above. cheers to that! he lifts his drink to it. ] I think I shall quite like going back to dealing with ghosts, when all of this is said and done.
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And that's apparently embarrassing because guy immediately like. Shoves his fluffy wagging tail out of the way with one hand and lifts his glass with the other]
It all sounds bleak to me, putting it like that. You've been through far more of life than I have, so I'll try not to say something out of turn. But being surrounded by nothing but the dead sounds like a miserable place to spend eternity.
[Yknow. Like hell costco, but infinite and full of even more ghosts.]
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...Believe it or not, it's extremely lively. It's not just ghosts - there are demons, too, and it's as crowded as crowded can be. Think of the largest city you possibly can in your homeland, and fill it with creatures of all sorts, most of whom are extremely rowdy. Many of the businesses cater to the ... ah, less proper side of life and death alike, too. There's never a dull moment, and it is a place that constantly keeps me busy.
[ it's actually almost the opposite of the campsco. ] It took some getting used to when I first arrived-- [ because by gods he was depressed!!! boy howdy. he looks down into his glass, the smile remaining for a moment longer, a bit far away. ] but I've come to enjoy many parts of it. I would say it's more strange than miserable.
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[That's fascinating, but weird? You just stop existing when you die, as far as he's concerned. Life is your only shot. No exceptions. So to think of the dead just continuing life in some sort of Keterburg-esque super city is kind of out there...]
I don't know if I could wrap my mind around it enough, honestly. Death is more or less accepted as a finality on Auldrant.
[and he and death AREN'T FRIENDS WHATSOEVER which makes their current situation all sorts of awkward]
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...In my world, it is more so common to see life and death as a cycle. When you pass, you reincarnate, and that cycle continues. Only those who achieve immortality through godhood or cultivation continue to live on as the same. [ yin yu takes a sip of his drink, thoughtfully. ] It can be final, but such finality it something best to be avoided.
[ because that means your soul got shattered, more or less. not fun! ]
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I prefer it that way, though. If you truly only live once, that means you have to value every second you get, because you won't get a do-over. You live, and you die, and the elements and fonons that make up your body return to the world to make something new. What you live on in is your legacy, and the people who carry who you were.
I'd rather be someone's lasting story than just another gravestone. [Which is why he wants nothing to do with death, and why this place haunts him like a vicegrip to the throat. He has too much of life left for this.]
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yin yu tilts his head to look at guy as he speaks. someone's lasting story, huh...
he never really got the chance for that. it suited him that way; yin yu achieved his ultimate dream and learned very quickly it wasn't all it was cracked up to be. for a moment longer he's quiet, letting the solemn seriousness of the moment settle over him like a blanket.
when yin yu does respond, it's thoughtful, soft. ] You would certainly last in mine.
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What?]
Yin Yu... Hey, you don't... [--have to say it like that. But the thought dies on his lips, a handwave around the subject just not even an option. All that's left is that awkward feeling from before, touched by the compliment but fighting with the feelings it drudges up behind its wake.]
...This isn't how I want to be remembered. [Not as a casualty. Not as he was right now, bitter and petty and holed up in the back of a bar because he'd reached the end of his rope.
His voice drops, though those ears of his don't flatten back again.] But...
Thank you. It's mutual.
It's kind of been a while since I've had someone that treated me like... [nicely. empathetically. honestly.]... you know. As a peer, and not... [Just. Gestures vaguely.]
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...but, with guy's last statement, he deflates, and rubs the back of his neck. ] That's - what I mean. That is what I would remember: as someone who called me their friend.
[ what a strange concept. he huffs, feathers ruffling behind him. ] ...It's been - I have not had a friend of my own since before I worked for Hua Chengzhu. [ since jian yu. since before the heavens. this sort of emotional bonding talk is making him squirm. ] Before this, it felt quite far fetched.
[ so he's so, so immensely appreciative. though it's terrible that they were reunited in death, yin yu is...selfishly, a little glad that he's able to see his friend again. his friend. ] ...You don't have to explain to me. I understand.
[ and that's why this works so well, isn't it? because it's the camaraderie of a servant, and a servant. of someone who has been through many hardships. of two former nobles who were kicked down to a lower rung in life; but who came to see what they needed, anyway. the difference, for him, between talking to most of the people in camp and talking to guy is almost astounding. ] I am not someone who is easily remembered, so it is - I'm grateful you would say so.
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His mouth quirks up, a sheepish but warm smirk of a smile, subtle but oddly more genuine than most pleasant looks he plasters up on a daily basis.]
I say it because it's the truth, you know. It's not like I choose to be around you out of obligation or because I think you're of some crazy use to me. There's things I know you'll understand from experience. More than I thought at first. [It's eerie. Maybe some people would call it fate, but he's never been one to believe in that.] And besides. I just like your presence. You're someone I wouldn't hesitate to say I respected.
One lifetime is already too long a time to spend completely alone. It's my honor to be permitted to keep the space a little less empty for you, as long as you allow it.
[It's mutual trust. Something he hasn't felt since...
I was telling the truth.
It's not that I'm not angered by this. I am. The fact that none of you trusted me shows just what kind of position I was in from the start.
...]
I do feel I owe you an apology, though.
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The feeling is mutual. [ jian yu, would you be proud of him? or would you be jealous? he thinks they might have gotten along. what a strange feeling, to feel remembered, to feel seen, to feel known. to have the chance to even build a camaraderie with someone, and to so of his own volition. it was slow, but it was his own.
to guy's second comment - which is very thoughtful and sweet, actually - he tips his glass, to offer to clink them together, then downs the rest of his drink and reaches for the bottle to top himself off, and... ]
...Oh? [ ?? ] Why?
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During the trial, I addressed you in a way that was shameful. You might not agree, but...
Rather than speaking to you as a friend that I know you are, I addressed you in a way I only ever did with those that served my family. A lord knows what words sway his servants into attention, whether good or bad. [With Peregynt, or with Vandesdelca, or the remnants of Hod that walked the mainlands. There was decorum that came out only in private, only with those that swore an oath to him.]
As much as I want to use concern as my excuse, it's not the way I want to be treating a friend, nor is it a way I would want to be treated were our positions reversed.
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yin yu blinks at him, surprised.
and then he just -- he doesn't quite laugh, but guy will easily see the flash of amusement on his face as he gets his drink poured. yin yu shakes his head, but he still politely accepts it: ] I appreciate and accept your apology, though there's nothing to really apologize for.
You brought me back from something I didn't want to fall into. It was exactly what I needed to hear, at that moment, and for that I am very grateful. [ which is very much true. but! he accepted the apology, so he bows his head, in warm gratitude.
as he leans back, he sips from his drink, and this time, yin yu's mouth twitches properly into a smile. ] Besides, I've told you something of my lord. He is no born noble - in fact, I was born into a higher standing than he was. Our relationship is a bit odd, in terms of that of a lord and retainer. The only nobles I ever speak to are him, Black Water Sinking Ships, who is... [ ......... ] not particularly noble, and Taizi Dianxia of Xian Le.
It was only out of the habit perhaps of emotion, more so than it was of position or standing, that made it so effective.
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